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Today, I'm Taking For Me.


Today, I'm taking for me.


I'm going to disconnect. To breathe.


I'm going to play games with my kids.


I’m going to park my smart watch and dock my phone.


I'm going to enjoy standing in the kitchen and ever so slowly preparing a fantastic dinner without any care for how long it takes. I'm going to revel in the time and conversation I have with my wife while we're doing it together. I might even enjoy doing the dishes.


I'm going to put on my favorite music. Laugh, smile, maybe even dance.


Maybe two of the fancy glasses and a bottle of wine.


Everything else will still be there tomorrow.

The onset of the pandemic last year introduced me to a kind of anxiety I'd never experienced or really ever even contemplated before. For months it would come and go, sometimes rapidly, and often without warning, reason or explanation. It has eased since, but it's always there, and I can see when it's coming.


For months I reminded myself of how lucky I really am when I think about so many other people. I have work, shelter, food, community, family, support. I have a long list of people who would stop everything for me in a moment if I asked them to.


I did my best to ease my anxieties by ranking them in comparison to others’.


But comparing our struggles only serves to help us ignore, to mask, to diminish and to disregard the very feelings that make us, well, us.


2020 challenged my mental strength in so many ways, as it’s done for so many. Sometimes I’d triumph, and sometimes I would simply concede.


But what 2020 did provide for me is understanding and perspective into self. Into the unavoidable truth behind growth.


The very fears that cause anxiety provide the means to face future ones.

We simply cannot develop strength without enduring weakness.


So I suppose I’m grateful. And afraid. And happy. And anxious. And optimistic.


Sometimes all at once.


So, today, I’m taking for me. Everything else will be there tomorrow.


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juliconard
juliconard
2021年1月28日

Love this. Self-care is so important. I'm happy to see that you are taking care of you. Sometimes we don't know what we really want, need and appreciate in life until we are faced with adversity...I always say contrast brings clarity. Tony Robbins says that crisis leads to breakthroughs. I don't think we were born to manage our circumstances, we are born to create life and love. I love that you are finding peace and love and contentment in the savouring of the precious things and people in your life. When we lean into the present moment we usually find a gift :) Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your journey with us!

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